There has been much rejoicing, relief, and snark this week on the Internets (at least the ones I frequent) over Kate Gosselin’s overdue ejection from Dancing with the Stars (or, as the inimitable Michael K of D-Listed calls it in reference to her, “Dancing with the Never-Beens”). Kate Gosselin couldn’t dance, after all, nor is she pleasant, likeable, talented, or accomplished. Her claims to fame are

1. Going on fertility drugs almost immediately after her marriage, disregarding medical advice to have a ludicrous number of eggs fertilized at the same time, and having a bunch of children as a result; and
2. Being a virago, harridan, and harpy to everyone she encounters.

That’s it. I used to feel bad for her kids, and I kind of still do, but from what I’ve read, they’re at the age in which they’re transitioning from sympathetic victims into mini-Kates. At least the girls are; Kate’s made no secret of the fact that she just doesn’t like boys as well. Ironically, this may mean there’s hope for her sons, that she’s damaging them in (slightly) more fixable and redeemable ways than she is the girls, if they find the right therapist someday, of course.

One of the things about Kate that galls all her anti-fans is her strong sense of entitlement. She showed it on the clips I saw from Dancing: She was nasty to her dance partner/instructor, didn’t put any effort into rehearsals, stormed around, whined about the paparazzi trailing her (even though we all know she’s the one who informs them of her every move), bitched about being a single mom (even though her kids were on the other side of the country with nannies), ad nauseum.

I have no doubt that Kate’s a pathological narcissist. What’s scary is that she’s indoctrinating eight children into her warped world view. What’s ironic is that Kate’s sharing tabloid headlines with the perfect cautionary tale against delusionary, overbearing stage mothers and their entitled child-star offspring.

I speak, of course, of the troubled Lindsay Lohan. This week alone: 

1. She blew off a deposition (for the second time) in the lawsuit accusing her of carjacking, kidnapping, reckless endangerment, and cocaine possession. (This is the incident that spawned those famous disclaimers, “I didn’t know there was cocaine in my pants pocket; these are someone else’s pants” and “It wasn’t me, it was the black kid.”)
2. Her father showed up at her apartment with deputy sheriffs to check on the welfare of her 16-year-old sister, Ali, who is staying with her. Staying with her, because we all know that when you’re at the top of everyone’s deathwatch list for your hard-partying ways, you’re the best possible influence for your impressionable teenage sister.
3. She is under investigation for the theft of a $35K Rolex someone left at her apartment and that was subsequently stolen.
4. She has been fired from the latest movie project she was supposedly attached to because the film’s investors don’t think she’s “bankable.” Took them awhile, but they got it now.

Her mother, Dina, who seems conspicuously absent on the parenting front (see item #2) and obnoxiously ubiquitous on the partying-with-my-underage-daughter front, is defending her with all the vim, entitlement, and venom of a Kate Gosselin. How dare anyone persecute her poor child (who’s 24)? They’re just jealous. How dare Lindsay’s loser of a father question Dina’s parenting skills or Lindsay’s health?

I’d say Lindsay’s dad is the one Lohan who might be realistic about her situation, except he isn’t either. When he left her apartment, he said he was on the way to contact Child Protective Services on the advice of the sheriff’s department. But he stopped en route to his lawyer’s office to have a 30-minute+ sitdown with TMZ’s Harvey Levin. I watched as much of the interview as I could stand. I kinda think Michael Lohan does love his kids and is concerned about Lindsay and Ali, but…so concerned that he has time to talk to a tabloid instead of seeking legal protection? Of course, that’s been his MO all along. He’s never been one to shut his mouth, any more than his ex-wife has, when they can milk 30 seconds of press out of their wild child’s latest shenanigans.

Again, if Kate Gosselin was less self-absorbed, she might sit up and take notice. This is what happens when a family has no sense of boundaries between the personal and public, when they’re so desperate for attention that they’ll wage their internal battles via gossip sites and tabloids and Twitter. And how will the Gosselin kids ever understand that there should be boundaries between personal and public when they’ve been televised pooping?

It occurred to me to wonder why Dina Lohan’s so resistant to the idea that Lindsay is in deep trouble, that she’s a slave to her addictions, that she’s squandered all kinds of opportunities and second chances and goodwill. Michael Lohan told Harvey Levin that he wakes up every day wondering if it this will be the day Lindsay ODs. A lot of people wonder that, and a lot, who are tired of reading about what a spoiled brat she is, are vocal in hoping it comes soon. So why is her mother in such dramatic denial? Sure, she’s ridden the gravy train, but Linday’s broke and uninsurable. Getting cleaned up at this point could only help her finances.

So why is Dina so resistant to admitting her kid has a problem? Well, I think there are several reasons. Dina’s all about being her children’s cool friend. This is a woman, remember, who shrieked abusively at a bouncer because he wouldn’t let her 15-year-old daughter into a 21-and-up club. She can’t be their parent because she can’t accept that level of responsibility or, I suspect, age/maturity. And I think Dina’s an addict, too. There are stories about coke and booze, and she certainly seems loopy. Most of all, though, I think at some level she would never admit, she must realize that she’s a big part of the problem. She was a pushy stage mother who has morphed into a monstrous being, an enabler par excellence. If Lindsay entered any good rehab or therapy, any place that had a shot of working, I imagine the first thing the counselors would say is, “Cut ties with that toxic nightmare of a mother.”

I think that’s the same thing therapists will be telling Kate Gosselin’s children in ten or fifteen years.