Zach: I need batteries. I need to go to the store and get batteries.

Me: You need to go to the store?

Zach: No, I don’t need to go to the store. I just need to go to the dolla store.

My mom: Why do you need batteries?

Zach: I need them to put in Mommy. So she can fly like a airplane.

***

(Coming home from the pizza parlor, where Zach ate two slices)

My mom: It’s almost time to go to bed.

Zach: No, I don’t want to go to bed. I’m hungry.

My mom: What do you want to eat?

Zach: I need mac and cheese.

My mom: Well, I don’t have any mac and cheese for you right now.

Zach (adamantly): I think you do.

*******

My mom: What’s your name?

Zach: Zachariah [middle name] [last name].

Me: What’s Daddy’s name?

Zach: I don’t know. …I fink he is my daddy.

****

My dad: What’s your sister’s name?

Zach: I don’t know.

All of us: Yes, you do! You called her “my baby” today. What’s her name?

Zach: Someone’s going to die!